


Partners In Crime

by sincerelyjessy



Category: Glee
Genre: Humor, M/M, this is actually nonsense lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-16
Updated: 2014-02-16
Packaged: 2018-01-12 16:58:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1192806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sincerelyjessy/pseuds/sincerelyjessy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Out of all the places Sebastian Smythe could've ended up on a night out clubbing, a jail cell would've been the last to occur to him. But shit happens, as he quickly learns, and when his cell mate Kurt Hummel joins him for a night of captivity, he realizes that, more often than not, shit happens for a reason.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Partners In Crime

“You slutbag.”

“Hurtful.”

“I can’t believe you left me.”

“Can we talk about this later? I’m kind of-”

 “Slut. Bag.” Rachel drew out her words, as if trying to form a dagger with each one.

Sebastian sighed in frustration, running a hand through his hair. He looked around the police station, an officer in the corner holding up one finger to let him know this was his last call.

 “You’re pissed. I get it. But can we address that when I’m _not_ stuck at the police station?”

He was met by a scoff. “When will the lies end? I saw you walk out with that guy.”

She was right, sort of. He had left the club with a guy, some nameless dude with a dream catcher tattoo on his left bicep. But things didn’t go exactly as planned.

He didn’t have time to explain to her the full story, though.

 “…Rachel. I’m going to need you to listen to me _very_ carefully. I need you to call my dad. Tell him I’m-”

“Time’s up!” The officer declared, padding toward him. Sebastian put the phone to his chest.

“Sorry, I just need one more moment.” He explained, before putting the phone back to his ear. “You still there?”

“Who was that?” Rachel asked, and Sebastian felt like pulling his own hair out. He wished her number wasn’t the only one he’d taken the time to memorize by heart, wished the department would give him his cell phone back so he could call someone that wouldn’t ask so many questions. But, alas.

“Time’s up, kid.” The officer said again, forcibly tugging the phone from his grip and hanging it up for him.

 _Rude,_ Sebastian thought as he was led back to the holding cell, having little to no hope of getting released until morning at this rate.

               

He sat down on the uncomfortable bench for what felt like an hour, mulling over where exactly his night decided to go wrong when he heard the cell being opened. That caught his attention, maybe Rachel had decided to come for him after all.

 “Looks like you’ve got company.” The officer said, escorting a dude that looked to be about Sebastian’s age into the cell. Wonderful. Not only was he still stuck, but they didn’t even have the decency to give him his own cell.

Sebastian’s heart went out to the guy, though, who seemed to have a permanent look of mild horror etched in his features.

“Play nice.” The officer warned, glaring directly at Sebastian, who met his warning with the shittiest smile he could muster.

The officer left them to their own devices, and the stranger stood in the corner of the holding cell, as far away from Sebastian as he possibly could. He surveyed the ground before deciding it was safe to sit on.

Sebastian shrugged, going back to lying on his back and taking up all of the bench space. The next few hours should be quiet, at the very least.

 

About fifteen minutes went by and Sebastian couldn’t help his gaze travelling to the corner of the cell, where the guy seemed to look anything but comfortable. And he couldn’t help but feel kind of bad.

“You can sit here, if you want.”

The guy looked up at him, staring for what felt like a solid minute.

“Okaaaaay.” Sebastian said, rolling his eyes. So this guy was too good to even speak to him. Fine. “Or not. Whatever floats your boat.”

Five more minutes went by. They continued to ignore each other. Blue Eyes—Sebastian had taken to calling him that in his head—continued to sit uncomfortably in his corner. Sebastian wished he could manage to care less.

 Finally Blue Eyes spoke up. “I’d like to sit next to you. If the offer still stands.” His voice was a surprising yet not entirely unpleasant lilt.

“Ah. He speaks.”

“Sorry if I was rude earlier. I’m sort of…well, I’m freaking out. I’ve never been arrested before.”

“And what makes you think I have?” Sebastian made room for him on the bench as he sat, using the closer proximity to properly size him up. Dressed a bit scantily. But he looked uncomfortable in the clothes, as if he was out of his element

Blue Eyes shrugged. “You haven’t?”

“No, asshole. I’ll have you know I’m an outstanding citizen.”

Blue Eyes cracked a smile, to Sebastian’s surprise. He hadn’t known his cellmate was capable of an expression aside from fear.

“Is that why your sweater has a picture of weed on it?”

“I’m an outstanding citizen who enjoys the occasional blunt.” Sebastian corrected, making Blue Eyes actually laugh.

“How charming.”

“Do you have a name? Aside from judgmental prick?”

“Kurt. You?”

“Sebastian.”

“Like the crab from the Little Mermaid?” So Kurt was a smartass. Interesting.

“ _No_. Like the _lobster_ from the Little Mermaid.”

“My bad. I didn’t know I was locked up with a Disney enthusiast.”

“It’s okay. Common mistake.”

Kurt nodded. Then they were silent again. But this time it was more comfortable. Sebastian switched positions on the bench a few times, but Kurt barely moved.

               

It was a full half hour later before Kurt decided to speak again. “In case you’re wondering, I’m not a hooker.”

“Okay…?”

“I’m serious.”

“Alright. You’re not a hooker.”

“It’s just that, with the clothes, I figured you’d think I was-”

“Dude, I know what hookers dress like. And you are no hooker.”

Kurt relaxed instantly. “At least someone believes me.”

“Wait, is that why-”

“They thought I was a _prostitute_.” Kurt said miserably. “Granted, I was hanging around some of them and I guess our color schemes were similar and it _looked_ like we were all together, so-”

“Wait, wait. Slow down. Who thought you were a prostitute?”

“The police.” Kurt clarified. “And to prove I wasn’t I had to show some I.D. and well…tada. I may not be a hooker but I still got busted for underage drinking.”

“Ouch.”

“Yeah.”

“Let me guess: first night out with the new roommates?”

“How’d you know?”

“Because I’ve been there. Borrowed club outfits and all.”

“I _told_ them I look ridiculous. These aren’t even in my size.”

“Hey, you don’t look ridiculous.”

Kurt stopped talking altogether, regarding Sebastian for all of two seconds before scooting away to the opposite side of the bench.

“What?”

“Puck warned me about the perverts.”

Sebastian actually rolled his eyes. “I said you don’t look ridiculous, not that I want to cop a feel.”

“How do I know you weren’t speaking in some sort of code?”

Sebastian couldn’t believe this guy was for real. Definitely someone from out of town. Any gay New Yorker who grew up around the scene wouldn’t be anywhere near as wary as him.

“Because if I wanted to fuck you I’d pretty much just say so.”

Kurt looked up at, alarmed. “Could you _be_ any more crude? Jesus.”

 “I’m not the one dressed like a street walker.”

“…touché.”

               

Over the next fifteen minutes Kurt gravitated back to his original spot on the bench next to Sebastian, and when he looked like he was going to drift off Sebastian had no problem offering him a shoulder to lie on.

Kurt dozed off for all of two seconds, before he realized where he’d been laying and cleared his throat, averting his eyes. Sebastian was tempted to tease him about it but he bit his tongue.

 “So, is there a reason you’re here? Aside from your evident fashion crime.”

“Prick.” Sebastian chuckled. “Long story. “

 “We’re kind of stuck here all night.”

“So we are.” Sebastian conceded. “In that case…I was celebrating my friend Rachel’s 21st birthday.”

“Are you 21?”

“19. But I’m not dumb enough to get caught without a fake I.D.”

“Rude.”

“Anyway, I knew it was gonna be a boring night so I ended up leaving with this guy.”

“For sex, I assume?”

Sebastian laughed. “I…yes. Yes, for sex.”

“Was he a hooker?”

“No. He was not a hooker.”

 “Good for him.”

Sebastian snorted. “So, I’m leaving with this guy, and all of sudden this dude’s _boyfriend_ shows up. And I’m thinking, nice, threesome, but turns out the boyfriend was _pissed_.”

“The nerve of some people.”

“Right? So he gets in my face and he’s not even _speaking_ English, I think he was from Taiwan or something, and then he pushed me. So naturally I kicked his ass.”

Kurt raised an eyebrow. Sebastian corrected himself. “He kicked my ass. But I put up a pretty good fight. Anyway, some lady called the police to break up the fight and instead of arresting the boyfriend I’m being put in cuffs. Detained for public indecency.”

“I wasn’t going to ask…”

“Yeah. The Taiwanese dude stole my pants.”

“If it makes you feel any better your boxers look lovely.”

“Thank you.”

“I’m sorry you got your ass kicked.”

“I’m sorry you got mistaken for a hooker.”

Kurt shrugged. “It happens.”

 

Two hours later and Sebastian found that he and Kurt were getting a bit…intimate.

“How do you get your hair to stay up so perfectly? It feels like it has no product.” Kurt ran his fingers through Sebastian’s hair in awe.

“I could tell you. But then I’d have to kill you.”

 “Ugh, no fair. You can’t keep a secret like that to yourself.” Kurt leaned in to whisper conspiratorially. “Something like this could benefit all of gaykind.”

Sebastian shook his head fondly. “Dude, are you sure you’re not high?”

“I’m just this weird.”

“Don’t say that like it’s a bad thing.” In all honestly, it was a nice change for Sebastian, being around someone who wasn’t trying to impress anybody. Kurt was unapologetically himself because no one ever taught him how to be anyone else.

                Kurt gave him an intent look, seeming to lean in closer in a way that Sebastian didn’t find entirely unwelcome. And then his slender hand reached forward, barely brushing against Sebastian’s cheek before he pulled it away to examine the residue.

“Is this glitter?”

“Yes.”

“Fun.”

“Don’t say 'fun' like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like you’re judging me.”

“I happen to _like_ the glitter. It’s very you.”

Sebastian wasn’t sure whether Kurt was being sarcastic or not, but just to be on the safe side he pushed him off of the bench anyway.

 

Kurt had stopped talking to him, sitting stubbornly at his corner of the cell. But that lasted all of ten minutes before he was speaking again. “I need to pee.”

“Okay? Go ahead.”

Kurt stared at the metal toilet. “I can’t use that _thing_.”

“Why not? You just stand, unzip your pants, and-”

“I know how, idiot, I just don’t want to.”

“Well then I don’t know what to tell you.”

Sebastian watched in amusement as Kurt deliberated; he could practically hear the gears in his head turning before he decided to stand up and head toward the toilet. “Don’t look at me.”

“And risk blinding myself?”

Kurt scoffed, and Sebastian averted his eyes, simply hearing the sound of Kurt’s zipper going down. And then…silence.

“I can’t go with you listening.”

“I’m not listening.”

“Yeah, you are.”

 Sebastian rolled his eyes, covering his ears. A few seconds later Kurt was back on the bench next to him.

“That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

“Shut up.”

 

They ended up talking for a few more hours. Sebastian found out Kurt was 18 and from Ohio, which honestly explained a hell of a lot. His roommates were a Noah Puckerman and a Mike Chang, people he’d only known for a few months but seemed nice enough.

 “Is that why they left you on a street corner?”

“I guess they thought it’d be funny.”

“It’s pretty funny.”

Kurt groaned. “I’m so dead.”

 “Relax. If you have a clean record you’re just gonna get a slap on the wrist.”

“But my dad’s gonna find out, and-”

“So? Don’t let him find out. “

Sebastian could tell Kurt hadn’t learned how to take advantage of his newfound freedom yet. He probably still called back home whenever he could, giving his Dad a full recount of how his week went and where he went and _when_ and _why_. Sebastian had fallen into that trap too. It took a year of legally being an adult before he realized he didn’t owe anyone much of anything.

“What? I just shouldn’t tell him?”

 “Yeah.”

“But that’s lying.”

“It’s not. It’s omitting the truth.”

Kurt narrowed his eyes. “You don’t seem like someone who gives sound advice.”

“What gave it away? Is it the lack of pants?”

Kurt laughed then, just as Sebastian figured he would.  It was nice to hear him laugh.

 

 “Cats or dogs?”

“Turtles.”

“That clearly wasn’t an option.” Kurt pointed out.

“But I’ve never had either of those. I had a turtle growing up. His name was Toby.”

 “Where’s Toby now?”

“My mom said he ran away from home.”

“But turtles don’t-”

“I realize this now, genius.”

They had a moment of silence in honor of Toby.

“I like cats, by the way. But I could never get one because I’m allergic to their fur.”

Sebastian couldn’t help the laugh attack that hit him, completely unexpected and out of his control. Kurt stared at him miserably and that didn’t do much to help, making him so out of breath he was wheezing.

“Jesus. Jesus Christ. That’s the saddest fucking thing I’ve ever heard.” Sebastian said, trying his best not to start laughing again.

“Maybe if I save up I can get one of those hypo-allergenic cats. You know, the ones that don’t shed.”

 “Bless your heart.”

 

“So I had to end up deleting Grindr once I figured out it wasn’t for making friends.”

Sebastian was sure if he kept laughing so much he’d black out. “What did you think finding gay men near you meant?”

Kurt shrugged. “I thought we’d just talk. See a movie, maybe.”

“I used to have a Grindr. Just to be ironic, I never actually used it.”

Kurt raised an eyebrow. “I’m sure.”

“I didn’t. Honest. I prefer the organic approach.”

“Like Craigslist?”

“I won’t hesitate to push you off this bench again.”

 

So, Kurt snored.  Loudly, in fact. And to think just a few hours ago this was the guy who was so quiet Sebastian sometimes forgot he was there.

Sebastian figured in terms of cellmates he lucked out, though. He could’ve been stuck with a drunken dwarf in a Santa costume, which happened to his friend Brett one faithful Christmas Eve.

And Kurt kept him entertained. He was clueless, sure, but without being a complete moron, and he wasn’t afraid to put Sebastian in his place whenever he got out of line.

It was a rare combination of qualities; ones Sebastian was unaware could exist in one person.

But he didn’t dwell on it for too long, eventually able to tune out Kurt’s snoring and drift off to sleep.

                               

Sebastian stirred awake to the sound of jingling keys, looking to see that it was already morning. He nudged Kurt awake, relieved to see the cell being opened by the same officer from last night.

“I hope you two take this as a warning. You seem like good people. I don’t want to see you back here again.”

Kurt nodded quickly. “Yes, officer.”

Sebastian promptly rolled his eyes.

The officer returned their personal possessions, and made them both put their finger prints down, probably in an attempt to scare them shitless more than anything else. They did it to all the college kids who were first time offenders, as if one night in a holding cell was going to steer them away from a life of delinquency.

It seemed to work on Kurt wonderfully.

“I’m never drinking again.”

“So you’re becoming a nun, then?”

Kurt hit his arm. “Only girls can become nuns, smartass.”

“I don’t see the issue.”

Sebastian dodged another hit as the two strolled out of the station into broad daylight.

For the first time it dawned on both of them that they might never see each other again.

 “So…”

 “So…”

“It’s been real.” Sebastian said.

Kurt grinned, looking down. “Can we not do this?”

“Do what?”

“The awkward morning after thing.”

 “Oh. Right. So I’ll just…”

“Do you have a cellphone?”

 “What?”

 “A cellphone. You know, that rectangle thing with the screen…”

“Ah, yes. Yes.” Sebastian took it out, handing it to Kurt, pretending not to seem too excited as Kurt put in what was assumed to be his number. He handed it back to Sebastian, wearing an unreadable expression.

“We should hang out sometime.”

“Uh, yeah. Yeah, that’d be cool.”

 “Yeah?” Kurt asked, sounding unsure.

 “Yeah.”

Kurt smiled, starting to back away. “See you around.”

“See you.”

He watched Kurt turn the corner before pulling his phone back out, finding Kurt’s contact—it took him a little while since he was listed under the contact name “Not a Hooker”—and quickly shooting him a text.

 **Sebastian** : Are you busy tonight?

 **Kurt:** Not at all.

 **Sebastian:** Up for a little more trouble?

 **Kurt:** Always.

Sebastian was more than looking forward to the promising night he had ahead, hoping with enough time he’d bring out every rebellious bone in Kurt’s body.


End file.
